Community Development Culture Family Perspective Relationships Uncategorized

Side Chick vs. Sister Wife (Part 1)

Nowadays it’s so discouraging how our generation glorifies the side chick but degrades the sister wife. In what aspect does this make sense? Why is the subject of Polygamy, Polygyny and Polyandry so bad that we can’t have a decent an adult conversation? I see daily that it’s very much needed because the ignorance amongst Poly living is at an all time high! And I am tired of the common misconceptions!

For instance, most people over-sexualize the types of relationships. I don’t know who put in their heads that all poly people do is have orgys every night and spread diseases, but take those thoughts out now! That’s so not the case. Most of the time it’s never about the sex, that’s just a bonus! I’ve been in multiple poly-lationships and i can name more times than one where i didnt wake up to a bed full of people! Let me explain how this works… Because there are so many benefits.

There are a few different kinds of Poly-lationships. The two I’m gonna speak on today are Polgyny and Polyandry. The most talked about and misconstrued types.

Polygyny is the practice in which the man has multiple wives. This is mostly common in the Islamic faith (and from my experience, usually practiced wrong) I’ve seen in many cases where the women were forced into Polygyny because it’s been taught that the man does not have to seek permission from the wife, BUT it is considerate that he at least let her know he’ll be adding on. And what religious woman wants to be disobedient to their God? So they dealt with it. I’ve been in this situation twice, when i was practicing religion.. Except I was the wife coming in, and after that I said never again. First go around, I found out things about my then husband that was very disturbing. And it didn’t help that he wasn’t really seeking a wife. He clearly just wanted to have fun. His main problem was he was very one sided. And he should’ve known better than to have a second wife if he could not be just between the two. And honestly, this is the problem in most polygamous relationships.

Quran (4:129) – “Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire”  Underscores that a man is not able to treat multiple wives fairly. He would therefore be unable to acquire more than one wife if this were a requirement – which it is not.

And then there’s Polyandry. The practice where the woman has multiple husbands. Much less common, but definitely practiced worldwide. I actually know a few women who live this lifestyle and yes, all parties are aware of each other. Pimpin’ ain’t easy, right? Haha. Anyway, according to research, It is a rare form of marriage that exists not only among peasant families but also among the elite families. For example, polyandry in the Himalayan mountains is related to the scarcity of land. The marriage of all brothers in a family to the same wife allows family land to remain intact and undivided. If every brother married separately and had children, family land would be split into unsustainable small plots. Now I’m sure you’re reading this like what the heck?! But I’m ways I get it. Would I be into it, nah. But to each is own!

Let’s get into the issues of being a sister wife. The main issues are sharing, jealousy, control and lack of self-esteem. Women are so quick to turn down the idea of having another Queen in their castle, or in their lives period, but will accept a man who cheats over and over. I never understood it. You’d rather deal with the hurt, than embrace the truth for what it is. It is natural for a man to lust after more than one woman. Whether it stay a thought, or becomes an action. A man will be a man and always find something he likes in another woman. One morning I saw a post one day where a sister said, “Queens don’t share their King”. But when you think about it, yes they actually did. All Kings, and prophets from back in the day had what they called, a “concubine.” If you think about it, it’s this western society that made monogamy normal! Me myself, I’m a free spirit. I take things and look at the bigger picture. Polygamy brings many benefits for a person like myself. It brings financial benefits. Emotional benefits. And creates a scene where no woman goes without. Aren’t we supposed to want for our sister’s what we want for ourselves?

Just look at all the men we have left to chose from. Most of the good ones are taken. Then that leaves us with homosexuals and jail birds! Or you have the single straight men who want to stay that way. So why watch another woman suffer and be lonely? What if that’s you? This type of relationship will not only help in producing lives, but also create a new meaning of sisterhood. And thats what’s missing! We need to empower one another, love one another and have each others backs!

Let me just close this by saying that at the end of the day, everything ain’t for everybody! I’m not trying to tell anyone that they’re wrong for choosing to only be in a monogamous relationship. But i am asking that you really research and learn the true meaning and reasoning for this lifestyle. But this article is just touching on the types and break downs of polygamy. Next I’ll get into the good, bad and ugly. I hope you enjoyed this piece, and  stay tuned!

Peace.

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