So, you’re beginning to realize that your hair is perfect, just the way it is. That’s beautiful! Maybe you’ve done the big chop, and you’re learning how to care for it and style it in various natural styles. You’re fully embracing your coils, and you could care less who doesn’t like it at your school, your job, at the grocery store, on the road, …. but, there’s one problem. Ya man ain’t happy at all.
Perhaps your mate’s irritation with your weave-less, relaxer-less, coily self snuck up on you. Maybe, you thought he was being supportive and curious when he asked you fifty questions about what you were doing. He hasn’t made any negative comments, in your presence anyway. He hasn’t made any irritated or displeased faces, that you saw.
Now, you find out that he hoped this whole thing was just a phase, and that you’d be done with it by now. Well, Sis, understand that he has been bitten by the white supremacy bug, like many Black folks in America, and world wide.
You’re definitely not the only going through it. Samantha Mellone, of Diva Curl, shared various stories, from many women going through it with their men about their hair. You can check that out here.
He can’t appreciate your hair today, any more than you appreciated it last year, because he thinks beauty is only found in things that imitate whiteness best. Long, straight hair is preferred, and anything else is “less civilized”. You opened your eyes, but he may take a while, or he might never get it.
So what do you do? Whatever you do, don’t feel a need to put your natural curls back into hiding over this. You’ve definitely got some discussions to have and some decisions to make, and perhaps you can help him to learn to love that part of you along with everything else.
If he’s not willing to take it seriously and address his own issues, I think you’ll have to make it clear that loving yourself fully is something you will not change for anyone, and he shouldn’t want you to. This situation doesn’t have to end your relationship, but he will have to love you enough, and be mature enough, to be understanding and accepting of your decision, whether he ever likes it or not.
Healthy relationships are part of a healthy lifestyle. You deserve to be mo better.