A pitfall among many women is a tendency to get with, and stay with, a man, based mostly on his POTENTIAL, while thinking that we can make him change to realize that potential.
If this is, or has been you, let’s address what makes you think he has potential in the first place. You see glimmers of positive thought and action… but he’s inconsistent. You hope he’ll become more consistent. Maybe, but don’t count on it.
Your man has to want change, and he has to want it for himself. You can try to help him, you can be his cheerleader, you can try to motivate and inspire him, you can lead him to information or feed it to him, and these are all good, but he has to see the benefit in it and find himself worthy.
Sistas, if you’ve done countless things to help your mate, and several months or years have passed, and he’s still stuck in pipe-dreaming land, with very little to no necessary action, you have to consider yourself. Understand that you can’t live for who you imagine him to be. You have to decide whether you want him, just the way he is NOW, or whether you will give yourself a fair shot at a better mate and let him go.
A woman can be an inspiration for change in a man, but if he’s lazy, has low self esteem, or just plain doesn’t care that much, it won’t much matter. Sure, everyone grows, but at what rate? Let him grow up to where you need him to be, if that’s what he’s going to do.
Watch what he does. Does it match up with what he says? Does he say he wants to learn a trade, so that he can get out of his dead-end job, but he hasn’t contacted a single trade school in over a week… If most of his free time is spent hanging out with his friends, rather than handling business… He sleeps in, really late, every off day, instead of working toward a single goal… If you ask him how progress is going with whatever he claimed he would work on/toward, and he always has a ready excuse, followed by attempts to sweet-talk you or a made-up reason to become angry with you… then I say it’s past time to go.
Of course, if you drop him, there’s always the ‘what if’ factor; the possibility that you may let him go, and then he will become all that you hoped he would… with some other woman. Well, if that happens, move on. However , most likely what you perceive to be his blossoming into your perfect mate, all of a sudden, is likely a facade. You have no idea what’s really going from the outside.
Let him go and resist the urge to take him back. Most likely, he’ll try to come to you with claims of making change. Just sit back and watch. Don’t rush to give him another chance at the first sign of improvement. Let him know that you’ll be dating other men, and that if he wants to prove something, prove it to himself first.
There are plenty of fish in the sea. Next time, try to make sure he’s already endeavoring to live up to his potential. Then, any positive moves he makes will be gravy, instead of the meat and potatoes of the man. When you move on, leave any baggage at the door of that last relationship. You don’t want to be the bitter ex and you don’t want to be the woman who can’t trust the next man because she couldn’t trust herself. With that said, I leave you with this: