Typically, when we think about someone being in an abusive relationship, we think about a woman. Thing is, far more men than you might imagine are verbally, mentally, and even physically abused. We often think that since men tend to be stronger than women, then it isn’t really possible for a woman to abuse a man.
Unfortunately, because society views women as weak, in every way, then we tend to minimize situations in which women are aggressive, verbally or physically, and we don’t put much weight on the effects of the actions. A woman is harmless. There’s nothing she could do to hurt a man. These are horribly incorrect assumptions.
Most people have no problem sympathizing or empathizing with a woman who tells of abuse she has suffered from a man. If a guy talks about the same, or similar abuse, the average person might actually think that he must have done something to deserve it. He must have hurt her feelings, he must have cheated, he must have made her mad…
You won’t likely find a guy openly discussing how his girlfriend slaps him and curses him out whenever she’s angry with him, or how she constantly calls him stupid or useless. It’s even less likely that you’ll hear a man upset about being attacked with a kitchen utensil.
Controlling women do exist. Sometimes she’s the result of an overly appeasing parent, an adult with spoiled child tendencies. This woman needs a man to do what she wants, how she wants it. This woman can break down the strongest of men, and it often begins with manipulation.
Additionally, we might assume that the only guys who are susceptible to abuse are those we’d consider to be push-overs, but a master manipulator doesn’t require this, and she might even view the opposite type as a challenge she’s willing to take on. Even though a push-over would be easier to manipulate, we just can’t make assumptions about the guy who ends up in an abusive situation, and the bottom line is that I’d doesn’t matter. No one deserves abuse.
Quite often, guys don’t even realize they’re abused or the thought wouldn’t even cross their minds. They might be miserable and trying to make things work, while blaming themselves for everything that’s wrong. They may come to believe any and all negative things said about them by their lover. They often either scramble to try to be what she wants, or drown in depression and become shells of their former selves. The man suffering from the latter, often just comes off as lazy.
Even if the abuse stems from frustration about actual laziness, it’s not cool. As a woman, I can tell you that a lazy man, or a coddled man, definitely isn’t something I put up with, and it drives me crazy. So, I can relate to being angry that something didn’t get done… again, or because of other responsibilities that aren’t being addressed. Again, there’s never any excuse for abuse. If she ain’t happy with you, there is door she can sashay on out of, but the line of respect should never be crossed.
Brothers, if you’re in a relationship that makes you feel like you’re nothing or like you’re inadequate, you might need to examine what’s going on. Assess how she treats you, and the things she says. If you feel like you can’t talk to your boys about it, definitely reach out to another woman, specifically a woman in your family.
Another woman can best help you sort things out and help you through the issues, even if it just means she’ll make sure you seek help from a professional. This woman will hopefully also help you to know if there is growing that you need to do, not to avoid making someone want to abuse you (that’s definitely not where I’m going here), but to better yourself overall.
Healthy relationships are part of a healthy lifestyle. You deserve to be mo better!